Disappointment

Almost two weeks ago I received news that I had been waiting for for almost a year. News about goals, about my future. And the news was not favorable. Short story: I applied to a competitive graduate teacher program that included full tuition at a private institution and a stipend your intern year. I knew the competition would be stiff. In the end there were 45 applicants for eight or nine slots; nine of the applicants were bilingual. The odds were not in my favor.

I decided at the time I would not tilt at windmills. But because I am a person that needs feedback and condolences I titled at windmills with people I know. And basically, they said the same thing: the odds were not in my favor. Phew, it’s not me – it’s them.

That’s not to say it wasn’t me. Because it might have been. But those odds? They weren’t good.

While funkified I read Penelope Trunk’s post How to Get Unstuck in Life

The act of moving toward something helps you crystallize where, exactly, you want to be moving.

She’s right. I need to move toward something again. It doesn’t have to be the final thing, but something on the path. This process has taught me a great deal more patience than I’ve had before, I’m an immediate gratification sort of person (yes, yes, it’s my ENTJ shining through again). I can now wait for something, but there has to be something at the other end – waiting for the sake of waiting, well … I think that’s called stagnation.

So, with all that: onward and upward. Or something.

4 smart people left their mark:

  1. Joy, 18. March 2010, 13:51

    Oh, Cat, I am so sorry!! It’s important to keep trying – at least that’s what I keep telling myself! Maybe through this process it has helped to narrow down what you would like to do or what might be a better fit…. (((((HUGS!))))) Joy

     
  2. Anne Z., 18. March 2010, 15:29

    I think Penelope’s right that you can’t figure out what your path is until you starting moving in some direction. But it can be frustrating when you don’t know which direction will actually lead somewhere rewarding.

    I have spent a lot of time recently trying to recast my own career and personal struggles as some mythical story, using the “hero’s journey” structure (not sure if you are familiar with it, it’s something mythical expert Joseph Campbell has written about extensively). Seeing difficult experiences as part of a set of tests and trials I have to pass in order to find some treasure makes those experiences much easier to take.

    Not sure what your plan B is but there are many ways into teaching: private schools, alternative licensure/teacher-in-residence, charter schools.

     
  3. pamela, 18. March 2010, 19:11

    so sorry about your disappointment. here’s hoping the wind fills your sails very soon.
    pamela´s last blog ..there are some things i know you’d rather i refrained from discussing. My ComLuv Profile

     
  4. Beth Partin, 19. March 2010, 12:04

    I’m sorry this one avenue didn’t go very far, but from watching you with your children, I know you’re a natural teacher.
    Beth Partin´s last blog ..Time to Rethink My ComLuv Profile