Breaking Up is Hard to Do

I was a late adopter. But hooboy, once I adopted I was all in. And now? Now I have 87 friends. I need to break up with about 40 of them. Or, more accurately, remove them.

You know what I’m talking about right?

At first I was only friends with my friends. Then I was friends with people I used to be friends with. It was all good. I looked at pictures of people’s babies, I saw that people were alive. I was happy for them. And then slowly I began comparing … why is he friends with her and not me? what are they talking about on their walls? why don’t I have the decoder ring?

The final straw was when someone that I am friends with in real-life, or at least am friendly with (I handed down boxes and boxes of baby clothes to her, so she’s not a stranger) had a status of “is sad that people are so mean” the same day that she sent me a message saying that if the baby clothes I had inquired about were so important that I would unfriend her then she would get them back. Of course, I took the status personally. Of course I get my knickers in a knot about why doesn’t she give me the benefit of the doubt. In short, she and I had been unfriended. I didn’t do that. I had no reason to. I had asked her about some baby clothes and when she said they were onto another friend, I replied with “if they’ve already found new homes, then awesome – no worries! I’m glad they’re getting another go-around.” And I thought it was over.

But my knickers were knotted.

This leads me to thinking that that particular medium isn’t a healthy social networking platform for me. I compare. I feel less than adequate. I wonder what people are thinking about me. And you know what? I would guess about half my friends are not people that I would choose in my current life. Sure, they’re great people. But we have our own lives. We’re not who we were at 16. And now that I’ve seen their baby’s pictures and been assured that they haven’t died of some horrible accident – my curiosity is satiated.

I’ve already set my security in such a way that I’m pretty hard to find. I block most applications (I have no garden, am on no mobs, won’t give flair). I won’t be friends with anyone I work with (they don’t need to know I’m swinging from a chandelier). I’ve kept it compartmentalized.

<like 2 minutes later>

I just did my first, and maybe only, prune and only got rid of 19 friends. Maybe I wasn’t as over-extended as I suspected. If I unfriended you and we really have a relationship (even if it’s all virtual) email me. I’ve been drinking. We might could get back together.

But really what is it with that damn application? Why is it so addictive?

5 smart people left their mark:

  1. melissaz, 14. March 2009, 22:31

    Because it is easy and fun. It’s not like a blog where I feel like I have to come up with actual content. If I only have a sentence worth in me that day, then so be it. And it keeps me up with RL friends that I just don’t get to talk to all the time because of the whole life thing.

    And your friend with the baby clothes? Would have had the same issue without fb. Some people just take offense anywhere. I can’t see how what you said would have caused a reaction.

  2. Lynn, 15. March 2009, 18:24

    I have experienced the same thing… on both ends. I had to take a “break” from FB and cleanse my list. In fact, I felt I couldn’t see people’s status. I didn’t like seeing that friend A wrote to Friend B and said, “hey come hang out” and never would call me (on any medium). So I started editing how much I see of certain people.

    I think I finally got to a happy place. Those old insecurities of mine got the better of me, no matter what the state of my life today. I believe FB was close to sending me back to therapy.

    Lynns last blog post..The Simple Life

  3. Kelly O, 16. March 2009, 6:19

    Your friend-ish person sounds like a total douche.

    I was at a bar for an old colleague’s going-away happy hour a few weeks ago. There was a girl there, someone who I wouldn’t consider a friend in real life but she’s perfectly fine, and she FB friended me when I left the job so, sure, whatever. I kept trying to catch her eye to say hello, but she studiously avoided me and even seemed a little hostile. It was really weird. God only knows what I could have possibly done; probably nothing, and she had just had a bad day or something. But it made me think, if I’m friends with someone on FB and we aren’t actively happy to see each other, is it okay to un-friend them? It should be, right? It shouldn’t seem so much like the nuclear option.

    Kelly Os last blog post..I’m super

  4. Halimah, 17. March 2009, 3:37

    I only have 16. Don’t break up with me!

    Halimahs last blog post..Ending. (Or Beginning, Or Middle If You’re The Minion)

  5. Magpie, 30. March 2009, 17:21

    You know what’s bad? When you unfriend someone & 6 months later they friend you again. Sigh.