It Nerves, Nerves I Tell You

Apparently a shit storm is brewing in blog-land. Or brewed. Or blew over. I don’t know. It didn’t involve me except as a person who drove past the scene of the accident as they’re sweeping the glass from the road. (How’s that for mixed metaphors?)

But it makes my stomach hurt.

Today on IM my girlfriend that thinks it’s “cerebral geeky” that I’m attending BlogHer (I repeatedly told her I’m going for the booze) asked if I was excited. I told her I was nervous, that I sort of want to throw up. Don’t get me wrong, I’m far from shy. But at the same time 1000 new faces all knowing things about me that I didn’t share over a glass of wine. It changes the playing field. Similarly, I know things about you. Back in the olden days, the only way we would have intimate details of each other’s lives was if we were actual, meat-world friends. Or relations. Or friends of relations. Or relations of friends. And it makes me nervous. Maybe I’m not as cordial in person? Maybe I’m so freaking hilarious in person that you come back to my blog and you’re like, really? same girl? nah. Her posts would have me peeing my pants.

Nerves.

In my mail box today was the Pre-BlogHer Conference Guide. Reading it over I panicked. There’s a part about when you check into the hotel get your pin so other people will know you’re there for BlogHer blah, blah, blah. But I’m staying at the hostel. How will people know why I’m there? Granted, a rational person would say – uhm, that badge you’ll be wearing around your neck and the bag o’shwag. But for a moment I envisioned my lonely self walking from the hostel to the hotel on a deserted road with no one to hang with. I’ll wait while you run and get your tiny violins. Ridiculous? Yes. My imagination is a vivid place.

And here we are, two weeks before BlogHer and there’s trouble afoot. I will not pretend to know what’s going on. I read Catherine’s post. I thought it was well articulated. I read a lot of the comments. They were fine too. The thought that stuck with me more than anything else, is: is this going to cause a rift at BlogHer this year? I remember reading about cliques and hurt feelings after last year’s conference (which I didn’t attend). This year are we going to have a girl-on-girl fight in the bathroom? If so, I’d like to sell tickets, recoup some of my conference costs.

So that pit in the bottom of my stomach. It’s nerves. Nerves that I’m going to feel more clownish than usual. And sadness that the women I respect so heartily are tearing themselves apart.

4 smart people left their mark:

  1. Kelsey, 2. July 2008, 23:17

    I hadnt of heard of the drama until today. Hope it doesnt put a damper on blogher hun! Have fun!

     
  2. Kelly O, 3. July 2008, 7:44

    I hadn’t heard about the kerfuffle, either. *shrug* Third verse, same as the first.

    Have fun at blogher! If I were going, I’d totally hang with you and tell all my meat friends how cool you were.

     
  3. Anne Z., 3. July 2008, 9:58

    You changed your blog! Wow, I am so out of it.

    I’ve considered going to BlogHer and I get an attack of nerves every time I think about it.

    It does seem like every year there are cliques and issues and hurt — but I guess that’s part of any community.

    Regardless of nerves and name-calling, I bet you’ll have a great time. I’m looking forward to reading your reports.

     
  4. Laura, 7. July 2008, 16:18

    Shit. Am I the one who called you cerebral geeky? If so, I’m a bitch. But I find cerebral geekdom super cute. I mean, have you met my husband???