Pink Asparagus

I don’t advocate for my son enough. That right there is a horrible thing. My mom was never in my corner. And it sucked. It still does.

I can’t have that for Elliot.

At pre-school there is a system of checkmarks. You start your day with all five checkmarks, one each for: listening, manners, rest, be nice and something-else-that-I-cannot-remember. Most days Elliot keeps 4-5 of his checks. And each day we congratulate him on having a fantastic day, even on a 4 check day. Some days, like yesterday, he losses ALL his checks. I don’t understand how he goes from all one day to nothing the next. I guess it’s the fickle nature of being a pre-schooler.

For this to be tied up in a pretty bow, you need back story.

Elliot is in the pre-k class with all the kids that’ll go to Kindergarten this Fall. He won’t be going with them. He misses the cut-off by one week. With that logic, he should be in the next classroom down, the 3s. But he’s 4 1/2. He was in that room, and he was the oldest. That by itself was no issue for us. What became a problem was that as more freshly minted 3-year olds moved in there Elliot’s behavior degraded. He began to act like a 3-year old. We couldn’t have that. So, we moved him up. And now he’s the youngest.

Back to regularly scheduled programming.

I’ve always been one to acknowledge that my children are not angels. Maybe too easily. They’re good kids. But they do run inside and not pick up toys and have fits and generally act like little kids. When teachers have told me that they had a problem with Elliot I’ve said we would talk with him at home and work to improve the situation. Not once have I put it on the teacher. Not once have I asked, what measures did you take to keep the situation from escalating? What corrective action did you take to help my son not repeat the bad behavior?

That’s going to stop.

Last night while talking with Elliot about his unfortunate day, I asked him to tell me what happened at lunch (that seemed to be the beginning of the downward spiral). He said, “I don’t know. Read the note.” I explained to him that if he can’t tell me, I only have the other side of the story. I don’t have his side. And while that’s a big concept for a little kid, it did draw him out some. I think his whole day went to shit because he asked for more lunch and was told no.

What did his teacher do to retain control? What did she do to help him see that he had had enough lunch, that snack was a mere two hours away? I think she let him spiral out of control. My best guess is that he lost his listening check because he wouldn’t leave the lunch table even though lunch was over, lost his rest check because he wouldn’t rest since he was still mad about lunch, lost his be nice check because he didn’t rest and had a tough time being nice.

I think the teacher engages in power struggles with Elliot. She’ll never win. He’s an obstinate kid. But he’ll never win either.

We’re taking steps to talk with the teachers and director to remind her that Elliot is only 4 1/2. He doesn’t get a free pass. But he shouldn’t be expected to behave like a kid headed off to Kindergarten either. He still needs help using his words. He’s still learning how to manage his emotions (aren’t we all?). He needs guidance and affection.

Hopefully, the grown-ups in Elliot’s life can come together as a team and give him what he needs to keep his shit together. Because son? Mommy’s got your back.

me: what are you doing to Audrey?

Elliot: nothing good

******

me: what is it you want to do?

Elliot: put the <mumble, mumble> in Audrey’s pants

me: what?

Elliot: put the ladder in Audrey’s pants

me: let’s not put anything in Audrey’s pants